大家有没有发现，从夏娃到霹雳娇娃，从台偶到韩剧，为什么经典的文学与影视作品里都充斥着无脑的“傻女人”？
永远在关键时刻掉链子，永远落入敌人的陷阱，永远恐惧，永远无助，永远傻傻地等待“英雄”拯救。没有了傻女人，作者几乎就不会写故事，也就没有了文学史。
聪明女人都去哪里了？在这些故事里，仅有的几个聪明女人往往都会被塑造成“坏女人”。
加拿大作家玛格丽特·阿特伍德在散文《现在，让我们赞颂傻女人》里便一针见血地指出这一现象的成因：
「即使是傻女人也不如她们装的那么傻：她们伪装是为了得到爱。
男人爱她们，因为她们使傻男人觉得自己聪明，女人也爱她们，原因一样，
也因为她们使她们想起自己先前做过的种种傻事，
不过，压倒一切的一点是：没有她们就没有故事。」
她的语言一向轻盈灵动，尖锐辛辣，这一篇更是讽刺极了，常常让人忍不住笑出声。
Let Us Now Praise Stupid Women
现在，让我们赞颂傻女人
作者 | 玛格丽特·阿特伍德
译者 | 包慧怡
原著 | 《好骨头》
出版 | 上海译文出版社
01
—the airheads, the bubblebrains, the ditzy blondes: the headstrong teenagers too dumb to listen to their mothers:
——弱智、笨蛋、无脑金发女郎、蠢得不愿听妈妈话的顽固少女；
all those with mattress stuffing between their ears,
所有那些两耳塞着耳塞的家伙，
all the lush hostesses who tell us to have a good day and give us the wrong change while checking their Big Hair in the mirror,
所有那些祝我们“今天过得愉快”的、肉感的女服务员——她们边在镜子里端详自己硕大无朋的发型，边给我们找错了钱。
all those who dry their freshly shampooed poodles in the microwave,
所有那些把刚用香波洗过头的狮子狗塞进微波炉里吹干的女人，
and those whose boyfriends tell themchlorophyll chewing gumis a contraceptive,and who believe it;
所有那些被男朋友告知嚼叶绿素口香糖可以避孕，并且信以为真的女人；
all those with nervously bitten fingernails because they don’t know whether to pee or get off the pot,all those who don’t know how to spell the word pee,all those who laugh good-naturedly at stupid jokes like this one,even though they don’t get the point.
所有那些因为无法决定去撒尿还是去拿下烧开的水壶而紧张地咬着指甲的女人，所有那些不知道怎么拼“撒尿”这个词的女人，所有那些对蠢笑话（就像这个）报之以好心的微笑，哪怕她听得一头雾水的女人。
02
They don’t live in the real world, we tell ourselves fondly: but what kind of criticism is that?
我们兴高采烈地告诉自己，她们并不生活在现实世界里。但是这又算是哪门子的批评？
If they can manage not to live in it, good for them. We would rather not live in it either, ourselves.
如果她们真有办法不生活在现实世界中，倒是好事一桩。我们自己也宁肯不生活在这里。
And in fact they don’t live in it, because such women are fictions: composed by others, but just as frequently by themselves,
事实上，她们也确实没有生活在现实里，因为这类女人是事实虚构出来的：出自他人的创作，而她们自己常常这么编故事，
though even stupid women are not so stupid as they pretend: they pretend for love.
即使是傻女人也不如她们装的那么傻：她们伪装是为了得到爱。
Men love them because they make even stupid men feel smart: women for the same reason,
男人爱她们，因为她们使傻男人觉得自己聪明，女人也爱她们，原因一样，
and because they are reminded of all the stupid things they have done themselves,
也因为她们使她们想起自己先前做过的种种傻事，
but mostly because without them there would be no stories.
不过，压倒一切的一点是：没有她们就没有故事。
No stories! No stories! Imagine a world without stories!
没有故事！没有故事！想象一下一个没有故事的世界！
But that’s exactly what you would have, if all the women were wise.
如果每个女人都冰雪聪明，你就会得到这么一个世界。
03
The Wise Virgins keep their lamps trimmed and filled with oil, and the bridegroom arrives, in the proper way, knocking at the front door, in time for his dinner;
聪明的处女们修剪灯芯，给油灯填满灯油，新郎们如约而至，行为得体，轻叩前门，准时享用晚餐；
no fuss, no muss, and also no story at all.
没有那些个麻烦，没有那些个混乱——完全没有故事。
What can be told about the Wise Virgins, such bloodless paragons?
关于这些聪明的处女，这些面无血色的模范，我们能编出什么故事？
They bite their tongues, they watch their smart mouths, they sew their own clothing,
她们约束自己不乱说话，漂亮的嘴巴出言谨慎，她们亲自缝纫衣裳，
they achieve professional recognition, they do every right thing without effort.
她们在职场上得到认可，她们不费吹灰之力就能把事情办得妥妥帖帖。
Somehow they are insupportable: they have no narrative vices:
说起来，她们难以忍受：她们不具备可供叙事用的缺陷：
their wise smiles are too knowing, too knowing about us and our stupidities.
她们那太智慧的微笑太过洞烛先机，对我们和我们的愚蠢太过了解。
We suspect them of having mean hearts.
我们怀疑她们有一副坏心肠。
They are far too clever, not for their own good but for ours.
她们太过聪明，这对她们自然是大有好处，对我们可不太有利。
05
Ah the Eternal Stupid Woman! How we enjoy hearing about her:
啊，永恒的傻女人！我们聆听着她的故事，内心是何等愉悦！
as she listens to the con-artist yarns of the plausible snake,
那条能言善辩的蛇瞒天过海，夸夸其谈，使他信以为真，
and ends up eating the free sample of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge:thus giving birth to Theology;
于是吞吃了知识之树上的苹果赠品：于是成了神学之母；
or as she opens the tricky gift box containing all human evils,
是她打开了盛有一切罪孽的骗人的礼盒，
but is stupid enough to believe that Hope will be some kind of a solace.
还愚蠢地相信：只要有希望，就有慰藉。
06
She talks with wolves, without knowing what sort of beasts they are:
她与狼交谈，根本不知道这种畜生是什么德性：
Where have you been all my life? they ask. Where have I been all my life? she replies.
“我这一生中，你都去了哪儿呢？”它们问。“在我这一生中，我都去了哪呢？”她答。
We know! We know! And we know wolfishness when we see it!
我们知道！我们知道！当我们看见狼时，就知道它有多么凶残！
Look out, we shout at her silently, thinking of all the smart things we would do in her place.
“小心！”我们在心里朝她嚷嚷，想着如果我们处在她的位置上，会把事情做得多么漂亮。
But trapped inside the white pages, she can’t hear us,
但是，被囚禁在白纸之间的她听不见，
and goes prancing and warbling and lolloping innocently towards her doom.
于是，她哼着小曲，昂首阔步，满脸天真，闲庭信步地走向自己的末日。
(Innocence! Perhaps that’s the key to stupidity, we tell ourselves, who think we gave it up long ago.)
（天真！或许这才是愚蠢的关键所在，我们对自己这么说。而我们觉得自己早已放弃了天真。）
If she escapes from anything, it’s by sheer luck, or else the hero:
如果她能逃脱厄运，一定是因为走远，否则就是托了某个英雄的福：
this girl couldn’t tear her way out of a paper bag.
这姑娘自己是无法撕破纸包，从里面爬出来的。
07
Sometimes she’s stupidly fearless; on the other hand, she can be just as equally fearful, though stupidly so.
有时，她因为愚蠢而无所畏惧；换句话说，她同样也由于愚蠢而胆战心惊。
Incest-minded stepfathers chase her through ruined cloisters,
乱伦的继父在修道院的断壁残垣里对她紧追不舍，
where she’s been lured by ruses too transparent to fool a gerbil.
连一只沙鼠都骗不过的轨迹却能骗过她。
Mice make her scream: she whimpers, teeth chattering, through the menacing world,
老鼠令她尖叫：她呜呜咽咽，牙齿打颤，在这个遍布机关的世界里飞奔——
running—but running involves legs, and is graceless—fleeing, rather.
不过飞奔需要腿，并且毫无文雅可言——她其实是在出逃。
Leglessly she flees, taking the wrong turn at every turn,
她没有腿，她落荒而逃，每次都拐错弯，
a white chiffon scarf in the darkness, and we flee with her.
一条白色雪纺围巾在暗夜里飘曳，我们伴她出逃。
Orphaned and minus kind aunts, she makes inappropriate marital choices,
她没有双亲，没有好心的阿姨，在婚姻上做了不合适的抉择，
and has to dodge ropes, knives, crazed dogs, stone flower urns toppled off balconies,
不得不躲开绳索、刀具、疯狗和阳台上滚落的石头花盆，
aimedat her jittery head by suave, evil husbands out for her cash and blood.
温文尔雅的、邪恶的丈夫觊觎着她的钱财和鲜血，把花盆朝她战战兢兢的小脑袋上推下去。
Don’t feel sorry for her, as she stands there helplessly wringing her hands:
fear is her armor.
当她站在那里，无助地绞着手时，别为她难过：
恐惧是她的盔甲。
08
Let’s face it, she’s our inspiration! The Muse as fluffball!
我们就承认了吧，她是我们的灵感！就像棉花球一样，她是我们的缪斯！
And the inspiration of men, as well! Why else were the sagas of heroes,
of their godlike strength and superhuman exploits, ever composed,
她也是男人的灵感！要不然，人们又何苦写下关于那些力大如神、立下了超人般功勋的英雄的传说，
if not for the admiration of women thought stupid enough to believe them?
还不是为了赢得（他们认为会）蠢到相信这些传说的女人们的赞许？
Where did five hundred years of love lyrics come from,
那五百年的爱情诗从何而来？
not to mention those plaintive imploring songs, all musical whines and groans?
更别提那些催人泪下的恳请的歌谣——里面充满了呻吟与哀鸣，
Aimed straight at women stupid enough to find them seductive!
其目标正是那些觉得它们具有诱惑力的蠢女人！
When lovely woman stoops or bungles her way into folly,
当可爱的女人弯下腰，跌跌撞撞地步入愚蠢，
pleading her good intentions, her wish to please,
为自己的好意辩护——她想给别人带去欢愉！
and is taken advantage of, especially by somebody famous,
当她受人欺侮，尤其是被名人占了便宜，
if stupid or smart enough, she gets caught, just as in classic novels,
并且如果她足够愚蠢，或是足够聪明地，被人捉了现行——就像在经典小说里那样，
and makes her way into the tabloids, confused and tearful,
懵懵懂懂、哭哭啼啼地上了八卦小报，
and from there straight into our hearts.
并从那里径直进入了我们的心，
We forgive you! we cry. We understand! Now do it some more!
“我们原谅你！”我们喊道：“我们能理解！现在，再加一场吧！”
Hypocrite lecteuse! Ma semblable! Ma soeur!
“虚伪的读者啊！我的同类！我的姐妹！”
Let us now praise stupid women,
现在，让我们赞颂傻女人，
who have given us Literature.
她们是文学之母。
The End
———END———
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